The tiles are set

My hand seems to have all the answers in my current predicament. The question is, should I cast the odd tile out or should I wait until a better tile appears? The decisions of the past are starting to show their weary heads. Regret is rearing its face and looking at me in the eye and at the same time opportunity is calling like a rabid wolf. As decisions still continue to rock this life, thinking of just letting it go and fading into black, is the only thing keeping this existence of mine philosophical. Then again I could just be rambling like an old man.

I’m not looking back to what I have done as regret but looking back into it so that I don’t make the same mistakes anymore. I will be a rock at the base of the waterfall, only carved by water as a millenia passes by, only separated from the root when that inevitable force appears before me as I pass my own fate for the great judgement.

Rarely upset

Just when you think that everything is alright with the world, lightning strtikes you from above destroying everything that you believe is true.

It’s just disappointing and annoying when everyone has high hopes for you and you fall short of their expectations. I’m not ashamed of them but I’m ashamed of myself. I think it had to do with the fact that I was a bit cocky and so sure of myself. Another lesson learned the hard way I suppose. There are 2 other chances left and I cannot afford to blow them away.

So how the day ends is up to the feeling that has brewed throughout the day. I won’t be sleeping properly later I suppose.

Alone in the rain

It’s been raining the past week and I can’t help but get emotional about it. I always loved the rain but I really never told anyone the real reason behind it. It’s the closest thing to snow. For a guy who lives in the tropics, some find this weird but that’s who I am. I haven’t given up hope though. I still believe that I will one day go to a place where I can feel, see and touch snow. A dream of my mother’s now mine.

Its funny that despite all that has happened in the past, one could not forget nor easily sway away the time when things were different. People come and go and eventually they forget that one memory that they so cherished once upon a time. As karma makes its full circle, years later they realize how dear this memory is.

Life is really a mysterious thing…

Years from now…

Every man would one day think of raising a family of his own. Most of these men would prefer to have sons to carry on their names for them. I’m not one of those. I consider myself to be in a group of a select few men who would rather have daughters as their firstborn. Like these men, I have a dream of seeing her grow up. I’d like to take her down to the beach as we walk together hand in hand as her mother watches us happily as she sits down on a chair in the sand reading a carefree book. I’d like to have a pet dog, maybe a Golden Retriever or a German Shepherd following us, running around and momentarily stopping to look back at us as if telling us to hurry. Such a life is one of the dreams that I have. And one day when I grow old and she turns into a beautiful princess, I’d like to walk her down that isle as I give her away to the man she loves.

My dream is far-fetched as some would say. Considering my situation right now, many see this as an impossibility. But that’s what dreams are for right? Making the impossible possible. All this time I’ve still felt that things may be possible but while I do, my chance slips away from me inch by inch, little by little. I’ve finally understood what those “where do you see yourself 5 years from now” questions truly mean.